This is where I am supposed to describe what my Blog is about. I am not sure to tell you the truth! Just another Blog that people can visit, read what I've posted and comment if they wish.
After the crappy summer we had, Mother Nature appears to be ready to stick it to us again with one of the earliest ever significant snowfalls that I have seen in Kenora. Usually Halloween is the demarker of snow in these parts and sometimes we even make it into the middle of November before we see the white stuff.
Not this year.
On Saturday October 9th it began to snow and it didn't stop until about 20 centimeters or so fell on this fair city. As you can see in the photo below, even the damn halloween ghosts are wondering what is going on. It's hard to look scary when you're freezing our ass off!
Yes snow is pretty and all that but when you think that if the snow that fell a few days ago stays, we won't see grass again until late April - almost 7 months away! You know all the BS you may have heard that Canadians are "hardy" when it comes to climate, the cold and wintry weather?
Well for the most part that's all bullshit! Only a complete moron would want to see snow this early in the year let alone having it stay on the ground. The kids are happy - as you can see from the picture below - it was the "first" snow of course - but even they were kinda grumbling about being cold and wet. My 12 year old son Matthew is seen here about to whip a snowball at his Dad's head - he just missed....
The dogs don't seem to mind too much though as you can see from the pic below, my Golden retriever is in heat and seemed more interested in answering Mother Nature's reproductive call than playing in the snow.
When I think of the months to come, I dread those continuous -30 days for weeks on end that are sure to come and all the shovelling, car problems and related headaches that winter is sure to bring.
In the end I only have one thing to say about it all:
This post is about my big brother, a father, son, brother, uncle and a friend to many - and a mega blogger - who suffered a debilitating stroke on May 17th, 2009. He's been in Hospitals for more than five months. He has suffered some permanent damage to his brain functions as a result of this stroke. His time in a hospital is coming to an end soon.
His destination?
Unknown!
You see my brother's story is both a tragic and remarkable one. He was 53, unrecently divorced and with a high end job as a sports reporter/editor. He was unbelievably good at his profession and was a caring father to two kids and to the rest of his family, to his parents, his brothers and sisters and to all his many friends!
It all came to a screeching stop on May 16th, the day of his first stroke event (followed by a severe debilitating stroke on May 17th). Less than 48 hours after wishing my son a Happy Birthday from his Uncle (May 16th), he was in a coma in ICU and a vigil of life and death was unfolding.
When I first saw him, he had so many tubes in his body he looked unrecognizable, I only recognized him by his hair and his closed eyes, I will never forget that moment let me tell you. He had already gone into respiratory arrest once and it was all touch and go - no guarantees. At that moment, all everyone could care about was that he survive and pull-through. I spent 2 or 3 days sleeping in the ICU waiting room - it was awful...
Well he did survive and got discharged from ICU after 7 or 8 days if I remember correctly, maybe longer. He then began a long and very arduous journey back to "recovery" that continues to this day.
To call it a "long" recovery would be understating it but I try to keep in mind stroke survivors get better up to 1 year and beyond from the time they had the stroke. For my brother, I bet the time has seemed like forever, all the while trying to deal with total right side paralysis, loss of cognitive skills, memory,and other issues like bladder infections - the list goes on. Great courage was shown in the early stages of recovery from what was one mother-fucker of a stroke.
Way to go bro!
As this past summer went on and I would come and go to Winnipeg to see my recovering brother, I would have moments where I would wonder what he was thinking, what "damage" had been done and who really was "in there". My answer was always its just like my brother, yes something real bad happened to him but he is still the same guy I knew before the stroke - and yes, even with changes to his cognitive functions it was still my brother - mostly as I knew him before.
On the drive back home I'd often wonder about what his wants were and his dreams were - what was he thinking?
Fast forward to today, a time when soon we'll know what my brother's next step is in his journey. The current situation has caused a terrible rift to occur in my family. Some of the sibs want to put my brother in a PCH - yes - a nursing home - (or at least, they think it is the "best" thing to do) while on the other side, there is me and my sister and my parents who want to give him a shot in his own apartment, largely watched by my mother, my sister and myself, and my brother's kids when they can help (they live with ex-wife).
We even got my brother a new apartment and thought all in the family were on board with this plan until a couple weeks ago. Anyway, its been real bad and in the end, the decision rests with his children - his next of kin - where to put him - my brother. Our plan for trying a life in his own place one of two choices - the other being the care home. You see my bro has been deemed "not competent" to make decisons about his care - so he is faced with a situation where what he thinks and wants don't (legally) matter anymore - thanks to our hospital "team" and my sibs partly.
Even though the Hospital docs and "professionals" recommend a PCH - they did not say he couldn't live in his own place, they just don't recommend it. There is a difference there. I for one, want to give an apartment a try, to give him the chance at life, in a place that is his place, not some institution where he'd be left to rot on the vine, wither away and probably (hopefully?) die. If it were me and I was told I had to go to a PCH I'd want to be dead.
So would my brother, he told me as much himself, twice!
The fact some of my sibs want to "put him away" because the professionals say we should is something I can't accept - and the rift between the two sides has now opened up wide. The Grand Canyon is what is now left behind.
Still, in the end, I don't give a shit about the "rift"! It's their opinion and they have a right to that. For me it goes beyond "what's best" according to the doctors, social workers and their ilk.
Fuck them all!
I don't want to go the rest of my life wondering "what if" we had given him a shot at living in his own place - with supports provided. Could he have done it?
I don't want to wonder about that until I'm dead, I want to give him the shot now because once you go to a Personal Care Home, you are done, finito, caput, fucked.
You'll never see freedom again!
I sometimes question myself whether I'm right about this you know - given all the "opposition" - then I remember those times alone on the highway driving those 2 plus hours back home.
What about what my brother wants, what about his dreams......what is he thinking?
I have been sitting in the July sun soaking up the harmful UV rays (and enjoying every minute of it) and thinking of some of the twists and turns that have happened to me in my 46 years on this awesome planet. I must say, I was kind of disappointed as I realized that although my life has had its exciting moments, overall it has been pretty mundane.
Now don't get me wrong there isn't necessarily anything wrong with living a mundane life but I do wish I would have done more things - travel the world is one of them - when I was younger. Not really an option right now as I am middle-aged and have a family to look out for and yes "support" but that in itself is a noble thing any man (or woman) can do. Still I always wanted to see far away places such as Europe, Asia, Australia, South America but I guess that will just have to wait. Let's put that high up in the "regrets" category.
I also wish I had more "experiences" with women in my life as I got hitched real early on (19 years old) and stayed hitched meaning I have spent more of my life with my wife than with anybody else. Hey, don't get me wrong here - I love my wife to bits - but it sure would have been interesting to be with and get to know a wider circle of women prior to being enslaved in the institution we call marriage. Yet, I have no regrets that I did what I did, just some unanswered questions I guess and wonderment about "what could have been". A contradiction perhaps but so be it....
Kids, absolutely NO regrets there. I have two wonderful boys, one who is autistic but when I think about it, I realize how lucky I am to have them, to have the opportunity to be a good and loving father and to pass on some of the wisdom I have accumulated in my years on this earth. The wisdom part is still a work in progress of course....
Hockey - I was a real good goaltender and could possibly have turned pro (with a few breaks) but I never applied myself enough or committed to the training needed to make it to that level. I do regret that but not too much.
Education, I have no regrets there either. I have two University Degrees including a Masters Degree and it has gotten me a decent job which I enjoy doing. I won't get rich doing it or anything but being rich or focusing all my energy on making money and lots of it has never really appealed to me. I enjoyed my time in University as I met some real interesting people while going there and it was integral part of me becoming "dogmatic about being pragmatic" hence my calling card for this blog. It taught me to think critically, to always ask questions and to (try) and see things from all sides - albeit I don't always do that very well....hey, another work in progress.
Since it is only the 5th of July that is about as far as my thoughts have taken me on this subject, perhaps more TBA in another post at another time....
The 65th Anniversary of D-Day, the Allied invasion to liberate Europe from the Nazis came and went this past Saturday. I was watching a number of documentaries, read some news articles and thought lots about the men who lost their lives on those beaches so long ago. I think war can be over glorified at times and sometimes, this is done for the wrong reasons but D-Day is not that at all. It is a focal point in the history of mankind, an event of such monumental scale and sacrifice that what happened there should and must be remembered. If only for the reason something like it doesn't have to happen again.
Unfortunately, mankind is always the agent of his own demise. As a species we just can't get along and history clearly shows that because of either politics, nationalism - and in the case of Hitler - genocide, ours is the most violent and uncontrollable species on the planet. Thankfully, like on D-Day, there are enough humans out there across the globe to do something about it.
I grew up in the 60s and 70s and it seems we are getting further away from the goal those soldiers died for at Normandy. I mean we still can't get along. The Middle East has been a disaster for the entire globe and American Foreign Policy has also created problems where none existed before. Take a look at the news and there are still a variety of wars going on at any one time,
I wasn't there but if I had to guess the men that fought and died on the beaches on June 6th, 1944 would say that we should remember why they did what they did and don't forget the fundamental values they fought and died for. What was at stake that day were the fundamental under-pinnings of modern societies - democracy, rule of law, human rights and freedom of speech. As we march on as a species, I hope we continue to remember what those guys died for.
That is certainly what I have been thinking about a lot the past few weeks. You see my big brother Chris had an ischemic stroke and is in bad shape to say the least. I still think about the post on facebook he sent to my son the day he had the stroke - about 3 hours before in fact and it reminds me just how important family and Friends are to him. Needless to say it impresses me how much of an effort Chris makes to stay in touch with everyone in his family and how much he cares about him. What a great guy!
I am a lot like my older brother, hell we look identical to some people and we act the same - always teasing the other members of my family at our get-togethers. I can remember spending lots of time with Chris when I was a kid, catching insects, playing hockey in the basement and just having a heck of a lot of fun - great days and great memories.
When I go see him in the hospital it is very hard to do - for him mostly but also for me. He is such a gregarious outgoing guy and this friggin stoke has laid him out flat - very sad to see someone like him robbed of his mobility in an instant. I am hopeful with time and a shitload of rehab, he will recover close to where he was - but I don't know for sure and neither do his doctors. I think his success recovering will largely be up to him - and whatever his body can do for him.
Even with such a lousy event - made worse by the fact our dad had a heart attack a week after his stroke - I am thankful for a number of things. First and foremost I am thankful Chris has a friend like his best bud Donn - an incredible guy who has been unbelievable in his help and assistance to Chris and our entire family. I am thankful to my mom, for her dedication to Chris in the hospital EVERY day for hours on end and I am thankful for my other brother, my dad and my three sisters, as well as all of Chris`many friends who have sent their best wishes and helped out along the way.
Chris did not deserve this - as if anyone really does - but most of all I guess I am thankful he is still alive and we have a chance to help him recover and remake himself over the next months if not years.
I took this image of the moon a couple of years ago. It show some of the surface detail. This was shot using a 300 mm lense. I read the other day that the foot prints of the astronauts who landed on the moon will remain intact for thousands of years beacause there is no weather on the moon - no atmosphere. Talk about leaving behind something for the future eh :>)
Yes snow is pretty and all that but when you think that if the snow that fell a few days ago stays, we won't see grass again until late April - almost 7 months away! You know all the BS you may have heard that Canadians are "hardy" when it comes to climate, the cold and wintry weather?
